thefictionary

Been There, Done That (A Whole Stack Of T-shirts)

"Was it a celebration or an at-spear-point sort of thing," she clarified, still looking at the report. "Doctor Ingadottir over in Anthropology will probably want to debrief you, she's trying to make some sort of flowchart on how to handle these sort of situations."

Saw This And Thought Of You

Atlantis Program for Essential Skills Training

Things Atlantis Base Personnel Has Been Ordered Not To Do

1. You will not refer to the Athosian forehead touch as 'the mindmelding thing'
2. You will not attempt to convince Pegasus allies that Star Trek is a documentary
3. Or, indeed, Farscape
4. Fine, you will not attempt to convince Pegasus allies that any fictional film, series or game is documentary.
5. Those expedition members who carry the Ancient gene do not appreciate having their duties disrupted to function as light switch. Any technology that requires their attention may be saved for the daily timeslot where a gene-carrier makes themselves available.
6. You will not convince Pegasus allies that 'Smartypants' is a respectful form of 'doctor'
7. The expedition has no more coffee. The coffee supply is gone. This situation will not change unless we made contact with Earth and receive new supplies. Please refrain from asking Sgt Madbrooks (Ops/Supplies) if there is coffee left.
8. If your urine is a disturbing colour, please consider if you have drunk any Athosian smoked tea before heading to the infirmary.
9. Command sympathises with the urge to look for a coffee substitute, but no possible alternative may be tried before it has been thoroughly analysed by both Botany and Dr Beckett.
10. You may not play soccer in the Gate room
11. You will not address Marijke van IJsselmuiden (head of Ops/Tech) as 'Sgt Siler' despite the similarities in function and skillset.
12. Especially not when she is suspended upside-down to weld ceiling plates.
13. However, for those who struggle with the pronunciation of Ms van IJsselmuiden's name, addressing her as 'Kaylee' is acceptable.
14. The desalination basin is not a pool.
15. There is a pool on the West pier. Personnel is welcome to use the pool in off-duty hours.
16. Personal recreational material on the communal servers should be clearly marked as such.
17. Personal recreational material of an intimate nature will be tolerated on the communal server only if it does not exceed 1GB per person and is securely passworded.
18. Command recognises that uniforms get damaged or lost, and requests that personnel maintain as close an approximation of standard uniform as can reasonably be achieved.  
19. Swimming shorts, a towel and flipflops do not a uniform make.
20. While an open wormhole does indeed look like water, it is not necessary to hold one's nose shut while walking into it.
21. Similarly, snorkels,  floats and flippers are not appropriate gear for offworld missions.
22. Especially for diplomatic missions
23. (who even brought that stuff here?)  
24. You may not play football, rugby or any other ballgame in the Gate room, no matter how convenient a goal the gate itself makes.
25. You will refrain from complaining to the cook that the Julda fruit pie is 'just not how mom used to make it'. Unless you are from Pegasus, in which case you may only complain if you can provide a better recipe.